This post is about Femme Pride and the respect that we as femmes deserve from our lesbian/queer communities. The lovely Laura Luna recently wrote that she’s sick and tired of lesbians saying to her: “you can’t be a lesbian because you have acrylic nails” or “how can you have sex with those?”
These dykes are not only ignorant, but extremely rude. Who died and made them Queen (or King) of the Lesbians? This “policing” attitude is something that lesbian and queer women need to get over, and fast. Let’s talk about the “how can you have sex with those” queries. Absolutely no one has any business asking that question unless, well, she’s about to have sex with you. And even then, I’d throw her out of bed unless she said it REAL nice.
The truth is, long nails aren’t typically an impediment when it comes to sex. Joanne Loulan has a great sex tip for femmes with long nails in her Whole Lesbian Sex Book. After filing to smooth away any nicks, put cotton around the tips of your nails and then put on latex gloves. You’re ready to go! But maybe you’re not going to be keeping a box of latex gloves on your nightstand anytime soon. That’s OK too. Lots of us have partners who don’t enjoy penetration, but love us running our nails up and down their backs. The bottom line is that none of us should be made to feel like we’re not “real” lesbians because we may be using our hands differently than some lesbians use theirs. It’s ridiculous.
Here’s my recommendation for the next time some judgmental lesbian tries to shame you by making one of those ignorant and mean comments about your nails. After the comment, pause for dramatic effect. Then, with a faux sincere smile say, “Oh now I know what to get you for a Christmas!” She’ll say, “What?” You say: “A copy of Joanne Loulan’s Whole Lesbian Sex Book, because you clearly need LOTS of help, honey.”
One small step for my favorite acrylic-loving fab fierce femme, one giant step for femmekind!
Filed under: Lesbian & Queer Genders | Tagged: acrylic nails, femme pride, latex gloves, lesbian "policing", whole lesbian sex book |
Sublimefemme Unbound 
Maybe this is more a belated reaction to “Femme Fairytale”…
I’m curious about whether being ‘butch’ or ‘femme’ are the only ‘ways’ of being a lesbian: masculine-looking or ultra-feminine-lipstick-lesbian. Personally (uhm… well, I’m bisexual, so…) I wear skirts and dresses as much as I can. I don’t bother to wear makeup, nail polish or jewelry, or do my hair. But lately I’ve wanted to have more butch in my wardrobe. I want to be versatile. I know lesbians who are like me in that sense – and lesbians who just look very ‘ordinary’ and ‘neutral’. What are we to call ourselves?
But I definitely agree with you – there is no one way to be a ‘lesbian’, and no one should be told how to express their sexuality ~
Hi, Thanks for your comment. I think others did a good job of responding to your question, which is why I haven’t, but feel free to drop me a note if you’d like to discuss this more. -Sf
ahhh…I just walked in to work and of course you are the first website I pull up (with my morning scone and tea with a splash of milk) I have tears in my eyes. Thank you so much for this. You are amazing!
p.s. Can’t wait to use the ‘Now I know what to get you for christmas.” line
WW, I notice that dykes who don’t lean toward ultra butch or femme tend to wear jeans a lot and usually call themselves andro-dykes. Which is cool. Or you could make up a new label, which is always fun!
SF, as a medium-length nail having femme who hasn’t had a problem having LOTS of great sex, I say: hear hear! Or, queer queer! Whichever suits you, LOL.
Damn right, girl. I have nails on the left hand, keep ’em shorter on the right. The femme’s manicure? I love the attention that Lindsay Lohan (no matter how tragic she might otherwise be/previously have been) is getting as a “lesbian” because people are starting to realize the a skirt and cleavage and nails don’t necessarily equal hetero. Femmes, raise your perfectly manicured hands high and let your beauty be recognized.
i always think it’s so funny and bizarre when people say things like that…
“wait, honey! that’s nice, but i have to consult my ‘things lesbians may and may not do in bed’ list before you keep going!”
ww – i think your last sentence does an excellent job of answering your question (just say gender rather than sexuality)!
fyi: i’ve painted my nails twice in the last week and a half and have thought of you each time 🙂
What a compliment, thank you! Big Apple Red, I presume? xo -Sf
I know this discussion is years old but I just wanted to say thank you! I have acrylic nails, I love them, and so does my girlfriend (in fact she helps pay for them). Yet other lesbians I know can’t seem to get over it.So annoying, but so good to know I’m not alone!
You’re welcome! Thanks for dropping by 🙂 xo -Sf