Mirror Mirror on the Wall

Lounging about at home yesterday sipping a Manhattan, I had a (no doubt bourbon-induced) epiphany about this adventure that is my blog–namely, we have collectively advanced to a higher level of femme awareness. Cheers to us, darlings! We’re now ready to move on to what is perhaps the most important principle of Sublime Femmeness….

It’s never, ever too early to start working on your Halloween costume.

There you have it. Sublime truth distilled into a bijoux for you to have and hold!

Ever since I was a naughty little girl, Halloween has been my personal high holy day. Yes, in recent years, it’s become sickenly commercial and turned into another Christmas (mark my word: they will eventually morph into one holiday–Christoween), but let’s not depress ourselves by talking about that now. Instead, let’s get to the heart of the matter: on Halloween, you get to dress up.

Now, before we go any further, let me make one point crystal clear: anyone who looks cute and conventionally pretty on All Hallow’s Eve insults all that’s decadent, beautiful and queer in the universe. I have not an ounce of tolerance for such do-gooders. However, I do try to help these lost souls when I can. For example, when little girls in fairy princess outfits show up at my door and politely take one tootsie roll, I refrain from cringing (they are children, after all) and encourage them to take handfuls of candy, hoping that I can shatter the false consciousness of polite-pretty by igniting their avariciousness.

For grown-up femmes, the ideal costume is one in which you can be scary/evil and gorgeous. This is probably why I’ve always wanted to be the Wicked Queen for Halloween. She’s described in the Disney Archives (yes, it really exists) as icily beautiful and grotesquely evil. She’s also extremely powerful, smart, vain and willing to do anything to be “the fairest of them all.” So what do you think, should I be the Eminently Evil one this year? Too predictable?

The real problem with this costume idea is that, in order for me to display my regal wickedness to its full advantage, I would need someone to play my niave nemesis, Snow White. But of course, the mere thought of Snow White on Halloween is against my religion. Ug. She’s sweet, innocent, boringly nice, and trapped in a spell-induced sleep-death in her preposterous glass coffin waiting for Prince Charming to awaken her. What a doormat! Leave her in the coffin, I say.

Do you have any recommendations for me, my lovelies? And what about you–any wicked and depraved plans for Halloween, I hope?

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7 Responses

  1. The very first costume I remember my mom wearing for Halloween was the Wicked Queen from Snow White. The next year she was Elvira. Hmm . . . wonder where I got my femme tendencies? I agree that Halloween costumes should be horrifying and scary, no princesses or fairies. But I have no idea what to be either. How about Maleficent? She had a fabulous headdress.

  2. I LOVE Halloween!! It’s far and away my favorite holiday.

    Malificent is also an awesome villain… as is Ursula. 😉

  3. frankly, i’m up for any excuse for costumes (sadly, yes, i do need an excuse…now that i’m out of school), and halloween is one of the best. as for your dilemma, i have two thoughts.

    one – going from “cute and conventionally pretty” to “cute and conventionally pretty” on halloween is certainly to be avoided, but if you, perhaps, found someone for whom “cute and conventionally pretty” would be a major transition, i feel that would be fully in the spirit of the day.

    two – but, also, i think your friend could well be forgiven the trespass of cuteness if such conventionalism was very obviously the foil to your maleficent.

  4. …forgive me, i meant the wicked queen, not maleficent – i just got carried away by the lovely wickedness of her name. though i suppose the point kind of holds =)

  5. I’d have to say I was partial to the queen of hearts from Alice In Wonderland…..Off with their heads!!!!
    What better accessory than a croquet mallet (well, I could think of some, but anyways) I think I would like to go as a femme from contemporary literature….ideas anyone?

  6. OMG lovely SF you totally should be the queen from Snow White. do it do it do it (in a cheerleader voice)

    You would be the FIERCEST of them all (but you already are)

    anywho…our whole team at work is dressing 80’s…so that’s what I’m going to dress this year..but my fave is Dia de los muertos..that’s where I go all out…dress in my fave mexican embroidered shirt and have an amazing artist paint my face and voila! I’m a dead fierce femme.. 🙂

    I love Dia De Los Muertos! (and Halloween)

  7. One year I was a blue crayon.
    I do admit, however, to being partial to fairies- it’s a costume that allows, nay, encourages, one of my favorite dress-up toys- huge amounts of glitter!
    I could of course combine the two ideas and go as an evil fairy…hmmm…. *wanders off to buy black glitter*

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