Lounging about at home yesterday sipping a Manhattan, I had a (no doubt bourbon-induced) epiphany about this adventure that is my blog–namely, we have collectively advanced to a higher level of femme awareness. Cheers to us, darlings! We’re now ready to move on to what is perhaps the most important principle of Sublime Femmeness….
It’s never, ever too early to start working on your Halloween costume.
There you have it. Sublime truth distilled into a bijoux for you to have and hold!
Ever since I was a naughty little girl, Halloween has been my personal high holy day. Yes, in recent years, it’s become sickenly commercial and turned into another Christmas (mark my word: they will eventually morph into one holiday–Christoween), but let’s not depress ourselves by talking about that now. Instead, let’s get to the heart of the matter: on Halloween, you get to dress up.
Now, before we go any further, let me make one point crystal clear: anyone who looks cute and conventionally pretty on All Hallow’s Eve insults all that’s decadent, beautiful and queer in the universe. I have not an ounce of tolerance for such do-gooders. However, I do try to help these lost souls when I can. For example, when little girls in fairy princess outfits show up at my door and politely take one tootsie roll, I refrain from cringing (they are children, after all) and encourage them to take handfuls of candy, hoping that I can shatter the false consciousness of polite-pretty by igniting their avariciousness.
For grown-up femmes, the ideal costume is one in which you can be scary/evil and gorgeous. This is probably why I’ve always wanted to be the Wicked Queen for Halloween. She’s described in the Disney Archives (yes, it really exists) as icily beautiful and grotesquely evil. She’s also extremely powerful, smart, vain and willing to do anything to be “the fairest of them all.” So what do you think, should I be the Eminently Evil one this year? Too predictable?
The real problem with this costume idea is that, in order for me to display my regal wickedness to its full advantage, I would need someone to play my niave nemesis, Snow White. But of course, the mere thought of Snow White on Halloween is against my religion. Ug. She’s sweet, innocent, boringly nice, and trapped in a spell-induced sleep-death in her preposterous glass coffin waiting for Prince Charming to awaken her. What a doormat! Leave her in the coffin, I say.
Do you have any recommendations for me, my lovelies? And what about you–any wicked and depraved plans for Halloween, I hope?