This is a response to all of us from Butch2Femme, the femme newbie asking for advice who was featured in my post “Transitioning to Femme.”
Hi SF –
First and foremost thank you to you and your fellow bloggers/posters for your collective insight and sharing your personal process/transition/growth into the femme variations that you embrace. I would love some clarification from you and some of your readers about a few of your points.
“Did you feel free with your ex to express your gender–e.g. your femme side or your tomboy style? If gender is one reason why you think this relationship didn’t work out, my advice to you would be to proceed with caution.”
I thought that being in love with a femme meant that I had to be more butch, or that she was attracted to me because I was more boyish. Ive read Boots of Leather…, and while I knew on an intellectual level that the bulldagger/femme roles aren’t as pronounced anymore, I still wanted to be chivalrous/doting. In some ways she was the same, buying me things that made me more boyish, endulging me in those things my previous friends and family said made me look “dykey”. So those things/behaviors felt right at the time. Now that I’m single again, I realize that I’m the one shaping my identity, whole and apart from any friends or lovers opinion of what I should/could be.
I loved LadyBrettAshley’s response (well I loved everyone’s responses!) with respect to the once a tomboy/now femme is not a contradiction. Which makes me wonder if gender presentation is a duality/polarity at all or more like a continuum where you can find the spot you are comfortable in between the pink marabou heels and the pinstripe suit with the burgundy windsor knot tie.
Also, dear readers I do admit while I realize “trappings” are not what makes the femme, they are what have helped me find my center. I love women, I love playing the middle (business casual with heels and pearls), I love the cute hair and makeup, and I am asking all the questions I can think of to get me to that answer that is my own personal version of genderfabulousness. Thank you all for your lovely words of kind encouragement, and thanks to Sublimefemme for sharing my story (and her advice) with you all.
Filed under: Queer Femininity |