New Year’s Dos and Don’ts


Happy New Year, darlings!   Forget about the resolutions, there are only 3 questions you need to ask yourself on New Year’s Eve:  (1) what to drink  (2) what to wear (3) who to kiss. 

What To Drink

I had quite a few delicious Manhattans and a fantastic Knob Creek Old-Fashioned over the holidays, but for NYE even I put aside my beloved bourbon for champagne.  I’m a fan of the classic Champagne Cocktail.   People forget about how festive they are, but every single time I go out and order one, I swear I start a trend at the bar!   For an especially lovely version, try a Marilyn Monroe Champagne Cocktail:

one shot apple brandy (or mix a little apple juice with regular brandy)
dash of grenadine


What To Wear

The Philosophy of Sublime Femmeness is that it’s impossible to overdress on New Year’s Eve.  No one else is wearing a tiara?  Their loss!  NYE only comes once a year, so you might as well live a little.  

YES:  anything shimmery, black lace, bold lips, metallic makeup, cashmere, false eyelashes, faux-fur wrap or shrug, winter white

NO:  bubble dresses, black nails, oversized jewelry, undefined brows, excessive matchiness, little black dress that’s too little

Who To Kiss

Anyone, really.  Just throw yourself at the nearest cutie, since you can always blame it on the booze later!  Since I’m an extremely lucky girl, I’ll be kissing my debonair escort at the midnight hour. 

Time to go, my lovelies.  I’m off to take a bubble bath and get ready for the festivities.  Hope you all have a wonderful evening.  Wishing you a sublime new year!!  xoxo SF

Eartha Kitt: In Memoriam


Holiday Kisses

Kisses to you, my pretties!  I’m going away for the holidays but am blowing you sublime kisses to last throughout the season!  I’ll be back next week to ring in the new year with you.  In the meantime, if you feel adrift without my words of wisdom, remember that the answers to all life’s questions and the key to femme nirvana can be found at  Get Your Femme On! (Holiday Edition).   Happy holidays, xo SFchristmaspinup

Femme for the Holidays, No. 3

It’s never too early for a cocktail, darling!  That’s me with the cigar, partying with my favorite nice Jewish girls gone bad. ;-)  Happy Hanukkah!  

Femme for the Holidays, No. 2

Weekend Tip:  Spend less time shopping and more time lounging in front of the fire in your marabou slippers.   Marshmallows optional!


Femme for the Holidays, No. 1

Is this too trapped-in-a-Fellini movie for the office holiday party tomorrow night? 

MAC Cosmetics - Chill

MAC Cosmetics - Chill

Tomboy Femme & Other Multigendered Femmes

Recently, I was checking out of a swanky hotel and requested some help with my luggage.  Much to my surprise, the bellhop who arrived to help me was a beautiful tomboy femme.  When she looked me in the eyes and said “yes ma’am,” I’ll admit I felt a little weak in the knees.   (This is the one time in the history of the world that I actually liked being called ma’am.)

She had short black hair, blue eyes and a punk attitude that made her look tough enough to handle whatever came her way.  Unlike the other bellhops and valets who were very chatty, she was polite but all business.  She easily moved the bags I could barely lift while I admired how good she looked in her uniform and fingerless black gloves.  Naturally, I gave her a huge tip.  

This experience reminded me that (1) tomboy femmes are hot and (2) I see them very rarely in my everyday life.  Even in our little corner of the queer blogosphere, where we embrace the complexities of femme gender expression, I think we sometimes overlook multigendered femmes and unwittingly present categories like “tomboy” and “femme” as separate/opposed rather than interrelated.  

Why are so many queer women still under the impression that, because they’re a tomboy or sometimes feel butch/boyish, they’re not really femme or are “less” femme?  For me, this is exactly wrong.  I see tomboy femme as a form of gender mixing (not gender transgression) that’s both inside and outside the categories of butch and femme.  I’m fascinated by tomboy femmes because their gender play makes visible the fluidity and flexibility of femme, which is otherwise difficult to see. 

While you’re thinking this over, here are some pics of two of my favorite tomboy femmes, Pink and Jodie Foster.  Who are yours?   What does tomboy femme mean to you?  Is there a difference between “tomboy,”  “boi” and “butch?”  The needle on my own “tomboy-meter” is very low,  so I could use everyone’s help answering these questions!



Sublimefemme Tells All, No. 14

Never stand between a femme and her destiny, especially in the shoe department.



Bettie Page: In Memoriam

“I was never the girl next door.” –Bettie Page

The iconic pinup girl Bettie Page died yesterday in Los Angeles. I’ve always been captivated by her images–particularly, her rare ability to express both the reassuring, sunny optimism typically associated with the 1950s and the darker, more dangerous currents of sexuality that were becoming increasingly visible during that era.  

Bettie was America’s high-heeled return of the repressed–with a whip.  She was natural and perverse, naive and knowing, dominant and submissive. At a time when gender roles were highly polarized, Bettie’s persona challenged the angel/whore opposition by insisting that  women could be naughty and nice.  It’s a powerful legacy that remains vitally important today.


In Praise of Fishnets


 “Hon,” I asked coyly after dinner last night, “what did I wear on our first date?”   Van replied right away, “Fishnets.  A push-up bra.  And a shirt that tied up the front, which I imagined untying all night long.”

We periodically play this game.  Our first date was many years ago, and the more time that passes, the sexier my outfit becomes in Van’s recounting of it.   For the record, I did really wear a biker chick, lace-front black bustier that was part of my out & proud bi femme/pro-sex feminist gear back in the day.   (I was one of those faux bisexuals who was annoyed by men who expressed interest in me at  potlucks or pride marches.  Sorry boys!) 

But I didn’t even own a push-up bra back then and I most certainly did not wear fishnets on our first date!   Still, no matter how often I say it, Van doesn’t believe me.  In fact, when we debated this for the upteenth time last night, she insisted that I wore fishnets on all of our early dates.   In a few more years she’ll have me topless!  I did wear fishnets once, though, either on date #2 or 3; obviously, they made a big impression.  Who knows, maybe I have them to thank for “catching” the love of my life?  😉

Nowdays, fishnets are still a part of my hosiery wardrobe, although I tend to wear variations on the traditional fishnet, like black micronet tights (with skirts) or knee-hi’s in a neutral color like beige (with pants), because they’re fun but still appropriate to wear to work.  But I do have a confession.   Although I hate to admit it, I’m starting to think that any sort of fishnet, no matter how subtle, needs to be worn with caution.   For example, I had a student write “Love the fishnets!” (among other inappropriate comments about my appearance) on a course evaluation.  I was pissed. 

“But I never even taught in fishnets!” I protested to Van afterwards.  “Maybe once or twice during the winter I wore  micronet tights with a skirt and boots, but my students could barely have seen them–at most just a glimpse of my knees in the tights!”  Clearly, fishnets are so eye-catching that a mere glimpse is more than enough to get people’s attention.  Girls, consider yourself warned!