Valentine Kisses

Hello darlings,  As you can see, I’m busy getting ready for Valentine’s Day but I’m taking a quick break from my beauty regime to send you a big kiss!  Happy V day! xoxo


Femme on Ice

Yes, girls, even after a few Manhattans I can still twirl and whirl like nobody’s business. And isn’t my outfit cute?  Wishing you all a bright and beautiful holiday season. Kisses, SF


Can’t Buy Me Love (Valentine for Van)

Van and I just had a fight.  I’ve been repeatedly asking her what she wants for her birthday, which is right after Valentine’s Day.  I thought I was being nice; after all, doesn’t everyone want to open a present on their birthday?  But Van is angry at me for pressuring her for a “wish list” when she’s told me over and over again that material things don’t matter to her.

The truth is I don’t feel comfortable not buying her a gift.  Van loves it when I give her experience gifts instead of objects, so that’s something I’ve been doing more.  But this year I felt like I didn’t have the time or energy to put together a more creative, experiential birthday present for her.  I’m ashamed to admit this but I just wanted to buy something and be done.  How could I have forgotten that the best way of saying “I love you” is not with a credit card?  This shows just how successful the ideology of consumerism is in our culture.  I know that expressing love through “stuff” only serves the interests of global capitalism–and yet, here I am, desperately trying to commodify my love.

I adore Van and truly cannot imagine my life without her in it.  This post is my Valentine for her.  I’m so sorry, honey.  I love you more than objects can convey and words can say.  Thank you for 19 wonderful years.  xoxo


Happy holidays, my darlings!

My Saint Bernard always carries an ample supply of Maker’s Mark.  This morning Van and I used a little to make eggnog french toast topped with bourbon cranberry compote.  This proves my theory that everything is better with bourbon. Cheers!


This image is re-blogged from Mothic Flights and Flutterings

Repost: Top 10 Reasons Not To Wear A Culturally Appropriating Halloween Costume

Are you working on your Halloween costume, darlings?  I know you’re busy shopping for wigs and whatnot, but take a few minutes to read this terrific piece by Portland’s Freddie Fagula, co-director of  the drag-u-mentary Third Antenna:  The Radical Nature of Drag (which I love).  I’ve reposted from Angry Black-White Girl’s blog–thanks for posting, AB-WG!

While we’re talking about costumes and cultural appropriation, a few words of advice from yours truly:   for heaven’s sake, don’t piss off Screaming Lemur by dressing up as a witch!   As she says in her post Green Skin Optional, “Witches are a big part of the imagery of Halloween…. But honestly? I find it to be as stereotypical and lazy as putting on some buckskin and a feather headband and calling yourself an ‘Indian’ for Halloween. It’s othering, it’s tired, and frankly it annoys me.”

Actually it sounds to me like Freddie’s piece is indebted to Lemur’s post. If so, it’s unfortunate he didn’t give her credit or acknowledge witch costumes as a form of cultural appropriation.  For the record, that sexy witch pic in my Halloween Pin-Up Girls post is a subversive reinscription.  A-hem.

Top 10 Reasons Not To Wear A Culturally Appropriating Halloween Costume – Please Repost [by Freddie Fagula]

10. That shit is tired and you’re more creative than that. You can be anything.

9. You don’t wanna be “that guy” at the party.

8. You won’t be endorsing a history of domination, colonization, and genocide through your flippant, cartoonish, or stereotypical portrayal of cultures other than your own.

7. People of color won’t have their night ruined by your costume.

6. No one will have their night ruined by your costume, (well… unless you’re like me in fourth grade and your home made zombie make-up gets all over some girls princess dress. Sorry Christy Godwin!)

5. People who you’ve never met won’t take one look at you and decide to avoid the ignorant person who would wear THAT.

4. Your odds of getting laid will be dramatically increased because you won’t have offended half of the people at the party.

3. You aren’t an unfeeling jerk who likes to insult and hurt people.

2. You won’t be asked to leave Fruitcake’s All Homo’s Eve party because you are a white person dressed in black face or as a “native,” a Nazi*, Indian, gypsy, geisha, sheik, or hula dancer, etc.

1. You are an awesome, deep, conscientious individual who understands the importance of respecting the life, experiences, culture and ethnicity of people different from yourself.

*Yeah, I know it’s not technically “appropriating” but please, not okay.

Here is how wikipedia defines cultural appropriation: Cultural Appropriation is the adoption of some specific elements of one culture by a different cultural group. It denotes acculturation or assimilation, but often connotes a negative view towards acculturation from a minority culture by a dominant culture. It can include the introduction of forms of dress or personal adornment, music and art, religion, language, or social behavior. These elements, once removed from their indigenous cultural contexts, may take on meanings that are significantly divergent from, or merely less nuanced than, those they originally held.

Obviously, there are many ways to create an offensive costume that may not be pointed out above or fall into the cultural appropriating category. If you’re wondering whether your costume will offend someone than it probably will. If you’re still thinking about wearing it, ask your more thoughtful friends to weigh in on it. I realize this is a multi-faceted topic deserving more attention than once a year on Halloween, but this is as good a time as any to bring it up.

I believe it’s healthy for people to want to transform themselves, and Halloween encourages that. It gives people a sense of possibility. It’s a creative outlet in a culture of full rules about who can make legitimate “art.” It’s the extra nudge one may need to let go and be someone else. Even if it’s just for a laugh. It’s an opportunity that I wouldn’t want to deny anyone. What I do want is a Halloween where one persons liberating costume is not another persons insult to their life, experiences, culture, or race.

Please give it some thought and don’t be “that guy” on Halloween.


Freddie Fagula

Have a Sublime Valentine’s Day!

Are You a Good Witch or a Bad Witch?

Ever since I was a little girl, my heart has skipped a beat for sexy villains.  I love black leather.  Right now I’m wearing “Wicked” nail polish (by Essie). Clearly, I’m no Glinda. And you? Happy Halloween, kittens!

Sublimefemme Tells All, No. 34

Have a wonderful day unless you’ve made other plans.  Or don’t have these shoes.

I swear I used to have a pair just like them!

Glitter and Kisses

The life of the glitterati may be exhausting, but I’m never too tired to pull out my glitter eye liner and ring in the new year in style. I know I’ve been scarce lately (it’s the fierce fatigue, I swear) but I really do miss you, my darlings.  Sending you new year’s kisses and femmetastic wishes for a sublime 2011!

Jewish Girls Gone Wild

Happy new year to all you nice (and naughty) Jewish girls out there!  I have to admit, this video isn’t specifically about Rosh Hashanah but you’ll love it anyway, I promise. My favorite line:  “My parents are only somewhat judgmental.”

Good god, my mother is the most judgmental person in the Western hemisphere! However, when she isn’t busy driving me nuts, giving unsolicited advice, or making others feel guilty, she does make an excellent chicken soup.  And she’s actually extremely proud that I’m a happily married lesbian (15 years!) and successful queer studies professor, so miracles do happen.

Would it kill you to watch the video already?