Love Story

As many of you already know, my Van is a private person so I try not to put her and our life center stage in my blog.  But since Valentine’s Day is coming up–which I love as only a femme can; V-Day haters step away now!–I don’t think Van will mind me telling you a little of our own love story.   The truth is, she’s the best thing about my life hands down.  Even after 14 years, I’m a smitten kitten.

Van and I have often surprised each other in little or big ways on Valentine’s Day.  This tradition dates back to our very first V-Day together, when I told her that I couldn’t drive to her city as planned because of the epic snowstorm that was coming.  I was just too nervous to attempt that drive, I said.  Van was super disappointed, I could tell, but she was understanding and of course said she wanted me to be safe.

Then as soon as we got off the phone I hit the road.  You knew that was coming, right?!  Yes, I was crazy enough to drive through a raging BLIZZARD in my little Ford Escort with no anti-lock brakes. (I was a poor grad student then).  Seriously, I’ve never driven in worse conditions–snow, ice, terrible visibility, and wind so severe it blew my car all over the road.  It was positively harrowing.  But somehow I made it to Van’s apt in one piece.

I let myself in and immediately got to work cooking dinner, baking a heart-shaped chocolate cake, decorating the apt, and of course making myself gorgeous. There was a lot to do, but I knew I had enough time because Van would be working late. For a finishing touch, I took a bag of those Necco candy conversation hearts and made a trail from the elevator to the front door of her apt.  (Yes I know it’s cheesy and tacky–that’s the point!)

My little plan worked perfectly.  Van got off the elevator, sad about spending Valentine’s Day without me.  She was grumbling about the V-Day revelers who left all those candy hearts on the floor until she realized that the trail led to her door!  I still remember the look on her face when she opened the door to find me there.  Happy is an understatement.  What did my ensemble look like, you ask?  Mamie Van Doren with a dash of Susie Bright. (It was the 90s, after all.)

Now it’s your turn.  What’s the most romantic thing you’ve done for Valentine’s Day or the most romantic thing someone has done for you?  (For the record, I’m defining “romantic” broadly; I certainly don’t think it has to follow traditional ideas of what constitutes romance or romantic love.)

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Sublimefemme in Bed and More

At last…the big reveal! Here are the answers to last week’s 10 Hidden Truths About My Life: Fact or Fiction?

1. I typically sleep in a babydoll nightie with matching g-string/thong/panty or cami with matching thong/panty.
FALSE.The key word here is “typically.” Being sublimely femme at bedtime requires a varied sleep wardrobe! I like baby doll T-shirts with low-rise boyshorts, cute nighties, silk lingerie, lacy babydolls with matching g-string/bikini, and camis or fitted tanks with “cheekies” (see pic).

2. Last night my partner dreamt about me and described me as “drop-dead gorgeous” in the dream. (Not true, I assure you, but what could be more pleasing to a femme than getting an unconscious compliment from her butch?)
TRUE. Sorry if this word choice was confusing. What I meant was I’m not drop-dead gorgeous, but isn’t she sweet to say I am–in a dream, no less?!!

3. I have had sex with 3 men.
FALSE. I gave my mother this test yesterday to see how well she knows me and when she got to this one she asked, “at the same time?!” “Nooo, Mom,” I replied, “in my life!” That was definitely the highlight of my day! So here’s the truth: I’m about as lesbo as a girl can get. Many years ago, I did once invite into my bed a butch guy with a certain rugged sex appeal, but I must confess: as much as I was into him, I was a total stone femme that night!

4. One of my favorite movies is Point Break starring Keanu Reeves and Patrick Swayze.
TRUE. Like Gone in 60 Seconds, this is one of those movies I have to stop and watch whenever it comes on TV. It’s sort of the boy version of Showgirl–both covertly queer, ridiculously earnest, and therefore delightfully campy for yours truly.

5. I own 96 bottles of nail polish (that’s including several kinds of base coats/treatments and top coats).
TRUE. When I counted all my polishes, even I was rather appalled. But if you take good care of them, they can provide years of nail glamour and sexiness. And since gorgeous nails make you a better kisser, they’re worth every penny! 😉

6. Growing up I never felt smart or pretty.
TRUE. As a teenager I wore a lot of black and hung out with various alienated and socially marginal folks experimenting with their sexualities and unusual hair colors. I got a scholarship to college and was sure it was a mistake because I didn’t really think I was smart. Back then, the last thing I wanted to be was pretty, but I was also afraid that deep down I wasn’t. As they say, Rome wasn’t built in a day; it’s been a long road to Sublime Femmeness, my lovelies!

7. I keep a makeup inspiration book with magazine articles and images of new looks I want to try next to my vanity.
TRUE. I always refresh my makeup looks when the season changes in order to stay au courant!

8. I used to be an aerobics junkie. (Before you groan, give me a break and remember it was the 80s and I wanted to tone!)
FALSE. Good god no! I thought aerobics was an emblem of the shallow values of the 80s which I loathed with every fiber in my being. I still hate to exercise, but jumping around to Billy Idol with all those perky upbeat women in legwarmers would have probably sent me over the edge.

9. I was voted most radical in my high school class.
TRUE.I can’t believe how many people thought this was a lie! Where I went to high school it didn’t take much to get you labeled “radical,” but I actually was involved in politics and perceived as some sort of left-wing revolutionary. These days, I may be obsessed with nail polish, but I’m still a proud lefty committed to social and economic justice.

10. I’m a fan of the eyelash curler; even if I’m just lounging around the house I always curl my lashes.
TRUE.Yes indeed, I’ve been devoted to my Shiseido lash curler for the past 10 years. (Get a good curler and it will last forever; you just need to buy inexpensive replacement pads periodically.) If I’m having a casual day, I might skip on other parts of my beauty routine, but the lashes must be curled!

I’ve come clean, now what about your reveals?

What “hidden truth” about your life might surprise people?
Assuming nail polish isn’t your vice, what are you obsessed with?
What’s the one grooming/beauty ritual you have to do every day, no matter how late you’re running?
What’s your favorite bad movie?
What were you like in high school?