This post is about Femme Pride and the respect that we as femmes deserve from our lesbian/queer communities. The lovely Laura Luna recently wrote that she’s sick and tired of lesbians saying to her: “you can’t be a lesbian because you have acrylic nails” or “how can you have sex with those?”
These dykes are not only ignorant, but extremely rude. Who died and made them Queen (or King) of the Lesbians? This “policing” attitude is something that lesbian and queer women need to get over, and fast. Let’s talk about the “how can you have sex with those” queries. Absolutely no one has any business asking that question unless, well, she’s about to have sex with you. And even then, I’d throw her out of bed unless she said it REAL nice.
The truth is, long nails aren’t typically an impediment when it comes to sex. Joanne Loulan has a great sex tip for femmes with long nails in her Whole Lesbian Sex Book. After filing to smooth away any nicks, put cotton around the tips of your nails and then put on latex gloves. You’re ready to go! But maybe you’re not going to be keeping a box of latex gloves on your nightstand anytime soon. That’s OK too. Lots of us have partners who don’t enjoy penetration, but love us running our nails up and down their backs. The bottom line is that none of us should be made to feel like we’re not “real” lesbians because we may be using our hands differently than some lesbians use theirs. It’s ridiculous.
Here’s my recommendation for the next time some judgmental lesbian tries to shame you by making one of those ignorant and mean comments about your nails. After the comment, pause for dramatic effect. Then, with a faux sincere smile say, “Oh now I know what to get you for a Christmas!” She’ll say, “What?” You say: “A copy of Joanne Loulan’s Whole Lesbian Sex Book, because you clearly need LOTS of help, honey.”
One small step for my favorite acrylic-loving fab fierce femme, one giant step for femmekind!