Sublimefemme Tells All, No. 11

If heaven exists, it must have a gorgeous bathroom.

 

Anchors Aweigh

Bon voyage, my darlings!  I’m writing you from the “penthouse” lido deck of the most uberglam lesbian cruise ever–the mothership of all femme cruises–and we’re just about to set sail!  My debonair escort and I will be traveling to an exotic destination over the rainbow while drinking lots of champagne, indulging in decadent pleasures, and doing beaucoup research for the blog! 

I know what you’re wondering… where exactly is this “over the rainbow” place and do troubles really melt like lemon drops there?   These are very important questions indeed.  I’ll report back, I promise.  In the meantime, know that I already miss you all terribly.  Be naughty while I’m gone so you’ll have lots to tell me when I get back next week!

Femmes and Flamers Welcome!

What happens when you’re Kate Brown, Oregon’s newly elected Secretary of State and the highest-ranked out bisexual elected official in the United States?  Apparently, Portland’s Just Out, who supported and endorsed you, publishes an article before the election telling you to butch up your look!  Who knew anyone would so mourn the passing of one elected official’s dykey haircut? 

Whether it’s coming from straights or queers, or whether it focuses on Hilary Clinton or Kate Brown, it’s sexist when a woman is told that in order to be a better leader, she needs “better” hair.  Back in the 90s Hilary’s look wasn’t “soft” enough to be first ladyish (excuse me while I throw up), and now Brown’s look isn’t butch enough for some Oregon homos.

Since Brown now has a male partner (scandalous behavior for a bisexual, isn’t it?!), heterosexual privilege is probably the subtext that’s making these queers get their panties in a knot over their new Secretary of State’s hairstyle.  But notice how they displace their anxieties onto femininity, which they represent as the emblem of heteroprivilege?  Certainly, the idea that Brown is betraying the movement by failing to “read” as sufficiently Sapphic reflects longstanding stereotypes that femmes–much like bisexuals–aren’t “real” lesbians/queers. 

At the same time, I think what has happened in Oregon also points to a more pervasive devaluing of femininity.   In her post about this issue, Aviva of Bi-Furious! says, 

I’m offended by this as a bisexual and as a femme. I’ve spent enough time thinking I’m not good enough or queer enough because I don’t have the right haircut, I’m over hearing other people given grief over it. Come to think of it, I’m outraged as a woman as well; I can’t imagine a gay man being told to be a bit more nelly to get community support, and I think that’s all about a demonization of femininity and failure to take it seriously.

Aviva is right.  No queers would write editorials protesting that their gay male elected official needs to be more of a femme.  (e.g. He’s done great work fighting for our civil rights but, sister, he’s just not flaming enough!)  This wouldn’t happen at least in part because femininity is still far too often disparaged by mainstream (read:  white) upwardly mobile gays.  When’s the last time you saw a queen at the helm of some national LGBT rights organization? 

For queer women like Brown, I suspect it’s a catch-22.  If you’re too femme and bi, then gays write editorials about you telling you that you aren’t butch enough to be read as “openly” queer.  But I bet that if Brown were perceived as being “too” butch, these same guys would be writing editorials saying, Would a little lipstick kill her?  

What needs to change is not Kate Brown’s hair.  It’s the narrow minds of those in our communities who expect people to conform to stereotypes in the name of “visibility.”

A Tribute to My Dazzling Femme Readers

In a stunning triumph for the upstart project of femme theory, femmes worldwide refuse to quantify their femininity!

OK, maybe this is a tad overstated.  Still, I couldn’t help but notice that mostly butches/sporty butches were quick to take the Femme Quiz over at Kiss and Kvell and report back on their scores.  Don’t get me wrong, I smiled with delight reading about The Gentleman‘s gender ephiphany and Alex‘s and Leo‘s pride at their scores (zero!).  But, I wondered, why were femmes except the brave Aviva reluctant to do the same?

After detailed analysis of all available evidence and consultations with premier international femmeperts (experts on all things femme, mais bien sûr), here are my educated guesses:

1. We’re too busy being amazing to take a quiz, of course!   

2.  Femmes hate quizzes, surveys, etc.  These tests are just so…mathematical.  It’s like when the check comes after dinner; wouldn’t you rather reapply your lipstick than figure out the tip? 

3.  Sisterhood!  Competitiveness between femmes is so 5 minutes ago.  We refuse to take any quiz (however adorable) because we don’t want to participate, even inadvertently, in the heteropatriarchal project of ranking women/femininities.   You see, we’re feminist *and* super smart, too!

4.   We’re proud of being free-spirited and quirky; don’t pin us down!  Sure, we’re femme, but some of us hate sweet drinks with umbrellas and fairy princesses, can’t afford to shop at Sephora or have weekly manicures, are turned on by other femmes, or want to wear our toolbelts and our garter belts, thank you very much!

5.  Femmes have been reading Sublimefemme Unbound way too much and now cannot help themselves from generating nuanced political critiques of any and everything femme.  This gets in the way of filling out whimsical quizzes, alas.

6.   Why bother to take a quiz when you know you’re an icon of fabulosity?  And you all are, my lovelies, no matter what your “score!” 

What do you think?  Please add your own thoughts!

Femme Quiz

Check out Bodacious Broad’s You know you’re a femme if… (quirky queer quiz).  Here are her top 3…

You know you’re a femme if:

1. Sephora.com is bookmarked on your computer
2. Leaving your house without mascara on, is like social suicide
3. You’d cancel an important job interview, before ever missing your weekly manicure

Read the rest over at Kiss and Kvell!

Re #1, YES–it’s part of my folder of beauty-related bookmarks 😉

Sublimefemme Tells All, No. 10

Always dress well. If you’re having a bad day, dress better! 

Yes We Did!

I never thought I would say this but for the first time in my life I feel proud to be an American.  Across the world, there is a feeling of hope and interconnection as people from Venezuala to Kenya to India join us in celebrating not only Obama’s election but also something much bigger:  a renewed faith in democracy and the promise of America itself.  

A dear friend in Argentina, a former colleague and teacher, just sent me this moving email, which I want to share with all of you: 

I watched with disbelief and total joy what happened yesterday, and yet, upon reflecting all night, I now understand that we are so very fortunate in bearing witness to this victory that makes us proud. It was so impressive to watch people on the streets everywhere, and I realized that I should have been there, instead of here. But I shall be there by inauguration day cheering Mr. Obama on the streets of Washington DC.

I realized that we can also join in the celebration for our work done as educators, in the belief we all hold so deeply that we have a task: educating our students through the years, through the many passionate debates among them and among us.  Pursuing respect for human rights on all fronts has contributed to this day, as we begin to walk the road to the promised land.

We shall overcome. As our new president said last night, the work has just began.

 

Believe

Vote Obama for America 

 

Femme Theory

Yes, you heard it here first:  Sublimefemme declares the birth of Femme Theory!  In this post I talk about defining femme genders and answer the question that has been keeping you up nights:  hey, what is this blog about anyway? 

I have a simple answer for that question:  my project is to theorize femme genders.  Of course, femme style, beauty and pop culture are all absolutely crucial to the project of Sublime Femmeness too.  But theorizing femme is the overarching theme that links all of my posts.  Analyzing lesbian genders and making the complexities of femme visible is vital work that matters to me personally and politically. Although I’m a queer theorist and a professor, the questions I explore in this blog are never merely “academic,” not to me.

I try to use all of the tools of gender and queer studies to shed light on femme genders because—both inside and outside academia—queer femininity has been and still tends to be misunderstood and/or overlooked. As queer women, lesbians and even femmes, I think we inadvertently buy into cultural stereotypes about femininity without even realizing it. For example, I’ve encountered the notion that theory could not possibly explain (and in fact is an affront to) the mystery and beauty of femme. (Ugh. I’m allergic to idealized visions of femininity; however, they do have the effect of making me dust off my second-wave feminist books and read them with greater appreciation.)  Or, there’s the notion that femme doesn’t require serious intellectual inquiry because it’s less complex/transgressive than butch genders.  Or my favorite femme myth–the notion that femme is just about clothes and appearance. 

There are so many misconceptions about femmes; really, I think we’ve just begun to scratch the surface of queer femininities.  Which is one of the reasons this is such an exciting moment for femmes to be writing, making art, and out there in the world doing our various things!  I appreciate all of the amazing femme bloggers I read and love, and I’m grateful to all of you who have been reading and commenting on my posts.  Thank you for all you’ve taught me.

Femme and Butch Are Not Labels

This blog is not a prescription I’m writing on how to be a femme (buy two lipsticks and call me in the morning), nor is it a secret plot to convert queer girls into femmes (although I know some of you out there would love that, wouldn’t you?!). Those of us who are butch and femme are not trying to impose our identities/expressions on anyone else.

You don’t have to identify yourself as femme or butch or high femme or transmasculine or lipstick lesbian or boi or genderqueer or, well, anything at all! However, my femme gender is central to my identity and my sexuality. And here’s the thing: how is my wish to call myself a femme undermining or threatening anyone else’s identity or self-identification?  

I strongly support and respect the right of others to self-identify in whatever way they chose–including those who oppose categorizing their sexualities and/or genders. As I’ve said many times, Sublimefemme is all about sexual and gender diversity! Exploring, promoting and educating about sexual and gender diversity are at the core of my life’s work.

Why is it that critiques of butch and femme genders always seem to revolve around the problems/shortcomings of labels? LaurynX has a great discussion on her blog about how class, race and privilege play a part in our identifications, particularly with respect to butch and femme genders.  I’m not going to repeat her points, which are terrific, but if you haven’t read these posts, you should!  Be sure to check out Social Class and Butch-Femme and Who Needs Butch-Femme?

As a femme, I feel undermined when my relationship with my butch partner is called “role-playing,” or when our genders are called “labels.” Here’s what I mean. Let’s compare your favorite sublimely femme queer theorist to her next-door neighbor, who we’ll call Average Middle-Class White Guy. I would imagine that my neighbor Average Guy rarely has to self-identify because of his privilege as a straight cisgendered male. But when he does, I doubt anyone has ever said, “Dude, what’s with the labels? Why can’t you just be a human?”

Dude, why is it so hard to respect and welcome difference?