Frugal and Fabulous

These are hard times, my pretties, but don’t despair! Just because the economy is in a tailspin doesn’t mean your beauty regime has to be in one too. Here are a few of my favorite ways to be beautiful on a budget:

1. Make your own Sea Salt Body Scrub. This scrub is great on the whole body as well as feet and hands. You can buy the ingredients at any natural foods store.
1/2 Sea Salt
1/2 Hain Pure Vegetable Oil with Vitamin E (to preserve freshness)
Add a few drops of your favorite essential oil. I *love* lemongrass.

2. Best buy: Covergirl Aqua Smooth or Advance Radiance Compact MakeUp ($8.99 – $10.99). They’re knock offs of Vincent Longo’s wonderful Water Canvas Creme-to-Powder Foundation ($52.50). I use and love both! Just make sure you apply the Covergirl with a foundation brush (rather than the sponge they include in the compact) to mimic the lighter, natural look of the Water Canvas. Always close the compact completely so the makeup doesn’t dry out. You just saved $40!

3. Make your own La Dolce Vita Lashes. These lashes, also by Vincent Longo, are great because they’re smaller than regular false lashes, making them both natural-looking and easy to apply. But they’re also pricey ($14!). So, instead of spending your hard-earned money on them, buy a pair of inexpensive Ardell lashes at Sally Beauty (I like the Demi Luvies in black) and cut off the inner third of the lash with an small pair of scissors. Voilà, you’re fabulous and frugal!

4. Make your own lash separator. Just clean off an old mascara wand and you’re ready to go. It works better and is easier to use than any tool you’d buy, I swear.

What are your frugal femme tips? Please share!

PS Check out this week’s Drugstore Deals and Steals at Blogdorf Goodman.

Sublimefemme Tells All, No. 6

In times of crisis, nap.

Marilyn Monroe by Cecil Beaton, 1956

That’s Hot

What’s Lesbian Hell? Voluptuous girls exchanging kisses on perfumed cushions surrounded by the mingling sounds of pleasure and pain. It’s a land of hot and langorous nights, where dangerously beautiful girls are haunted by desires so feverish their kisses seem to burst into flames.

As you might imagine, I’m a big fan!

But there’s more to this Sapphic netherworld than irresistable girls and decadent caresses. I love the steam rooms, and in my humble opinion the Degradation Workshops and Debauched Burlesque Performances cannot be topped! And once you register at the front desk, a quick text will keep your vice of choice coming to you on silver platters all day and night. What’s not to like?

So if religious extremists want to persist in telling us that we’ll burn in hell, Sublimefemme says, thank you very much! To quote the poet Baudelaire, “[our] religion, like any other, is august,/And love will laugh at Heaven and at Hell!”*

From Charles Baudelaire’s Flowers of Evil
An excerpt from the poem “Lesbos” (translated by William Aggeler)

Which of the gods will dare to be your judge, Lesbos,
And condemn your brow, grown pallid from your labors,
If his golden scales have not weighed the flood
Of tears your streams have poured into the sea?
Which of the gods will dare to be your judge, Lesbos?

What are to us the laws of the just and unjust
Virgins with sublime hearts, honor of these islands;
Your religion, like any other, is august,
And love will laugh at Heaven and at Hell!
What are to us the laws of the just and unjust?

*This post is dedicated to Jess, Tina, and greenydgrl.

And the Winner Is…

Photo Credit: Style.com

When I asked for help choosing a nail color this week, the dapper Natt Nightly chivalrously came to my rescue with a very enthusiastic vote for OPI’s hottest fall color, Louvre Me Louvre Me Not. Thanks, Natt, my nails look gorgeous, and just in time for my date tonight!

( FYI Louvre Me Louvre Me Not has more red in it than the polish in the photo above, so imagine a warmer purple than what’s pictured here. It’s one of those rare colors that manages to be both edgy and elegant at the same time.)

And for those of you who’re thinking enough with the nails already (!), keep an eye out for upcoming posts on defining femme identity, fantasies of femme, and Sublimefemme Unbound’s first interview…with perfume goddess LaurynX!

Femme Pride

This post is about Femme Pride and the respect that we as femmes deserve from our lesbian/queer communities. The lovely Laura Luna recently wrote that she’s sick and tired of lesbians saying to her: “you can’t be a lesbian because you have acrylic nails” or “how can you have sex with those?”

These dykes are not only ignorant, but extremely rude. Who died and made them Queen (or King) of the Lesbians? This “policing” attitude is something that lesbian and queer women need to get over, and fast. Let’s talk about the “how can you have sex with those” queries. Absolutely no one has any business asking that question unless, well, she’s about to have sex with you. And even then, I’d throw her out of bed unless she said it REAL nice.

The truth is, long nails aren’t typically an impediment when it comes to sex. Joanne Loulan has a great sex tip for femmes with long nails in her Whole Lesbian Sex Book. After filing to smooth away any nicks, put cotton around the tips of your nails and then put on latex gloves. You’re ready to go! But maybe you’re not going to be keeping a box of latex gloves on your nightstand anytime soon. That’s OK too. Lots of us have partners who don’t enjoy penetration, but love us running our nails up and down their backs. The bottom line is that none of us should be made to feel like we’re not “real” lesbians because we may be using our hands differently than some lesbians use theirs. It’s ridiculous.

Here’s my recommendation for the next time some judgmental lesbian tries to shame you by making one of those ignorant and mean comments about your nails. After the comment, pause for dramatic effect. Then, with a faux sincere smile say, “Oh now I know what to get you for a Christmas!” She’ll say, “What?” You say: “A copy of Joanne Loulan’s Whole Lesbian Sex Book, because you clearly need LOTS of help, honey.”

One small step for my favorite acrylic-loving fab fierce femme, one giant step for femmekind!

Lounging on My Chaise

Since Lady Brett has expressed an appreciation for my chaise lounge, here’s my favorite pic of me on the chaise sipping champagne (lots of champagne, always) and putting the finishing touches on one of my posts. This is same image that appears on my dashboard, but now you can see it tout ensemble!

I know you’re wondering who the other person in the picture is, so I’ll end the suspense. That’s my butch butler, of course. She’s very devoted and she has excellent posture, doesn’t she?

More Nail Nirvana: Sensual Pleasures

Nails are a killer femme erotic accessory. Since I didn’t say this explicitly in my “Nail Nirvana” post, I just want to add a few words about this now.

Femmes are amazing at using our nails to great effect in the bedroom. In the throes of passion or as a playful tease, nails have the capacity to communicate erotic longing as well as the pleasure/pain of femme desire. If too long, they present certain limitations, of course, which a girl has to be willing to work around, but short nails can be just as sexy!

Lady B and hussyred’s delight in running their red nails through the hair of a sexy girl or handsome butch reminded me that I need to say one other thing, in case you haven’t heard: gorgeous nails make you a better kisser.

Try it out and report back. If you don’t have a friend or partner standing by to help you with this experiment, you can take the world-famous famous lesbian kissing quiz at What Lesbian Movie Kiss Are You? For inquiring minds, my results:

The Gia kiss

Hot. You are in love.

Nail Nirvana

The philosophy of Sublime Femmeness is that if your nails look good, the rest of life falls into place.* If you’re out on a date or having a few cocktails at home–perhaps reclining on your chaise lounge like yours truly–not only will you look better holding your martini glass with a well-manicured hand, but the drink will actually taste better, too. Don’t take my word for it, darlings; there are respectable studies on this funded by Stoli Raspberry. Without this pioneering work, Sex and the City may never have popularized the cosmo!

Although nails and nail color have become a trendy fashion statement in recent years (Lincoln Park After Dark, anyone?), I have long been a devotee of the gleaming manicure as a femme practice of enlightenment. Whether demurely understated or bold and glamorous, beautiful nails are the key to having a beautiful life. I discovered this universal principle after years of searching for happiness and success by doing all the usual things–going to school, working hard, having a positive attitude, finding spiritual fulfillment, etc. What a waste of time! Learn from my mistakes, lovelies; just get a manicure!

Still need to be persuaded? OK, here are a few, honest-to-God true stories of nail nirvana. One of my favorite femme friends developed a newfound love for manicured nails while writing her thesis. In the midst of her grad school grind, not sure if she was going to be able to finish the thesis and graduate, she found a ray of hope and what was to become the secret to her success. Here’s her mantra: “pretty nails=more typing.” I can tell you from personal experience, it works!

I do a lot of writing, not just with all of you amazing people in the blogosphere but also in the “real world,” which often involves those nasty things called deadlines. Ug. I had a very serious deadline for a very big project a while back–one of those do-or-die situations–and nearing the final stretch I was beyond exhausted. A new word is needed to convey the direness of it all. Let’s say mega-exhausted. Though I had somewhere between 5-10 more pages to write, I felt like I just could not write one. more. word. So I went over to my polishes (I own so much nail polish I could run a salon out of my house), and carefully chose a nail color inspired by my topic. Those final pages were actually terrific, all thanks to the magic of the perfect manicure! And though I was exhausted, I could look down at the keyboard and say, “At least my nails are stunning!”

What’s your favorite nail color? (We already know that hussyred’s fave is Big Apple Red.) If nail color is not your thing, do you have another signature accessory that’s been the key to having a beautiful life? Finally, I could really use some help from all of you this week. What color should I do my nails??

1. Louvre Me, Louvre Me Not (a royal purple)
2. Taupe-less Showgirls (a shimmery bronze)
3. Boris and Natasha (a rich burgundy)

*with thanks to a new friend who utterly charmed me yesterday by referring to me as “your Sublime Femmeness” in an email. xo

Sublimefemme Tells All, No. 5

There’s no problem a bubble bath will not fix.

Making Up

If I’m running super late–as I all too often do (sorry, honey!)–I can work at breakneck speed and get my makeup on in five minutes, but that means putting on my lipstick and/or mascara in the rearview mirror while I’m at a redlight.

Personally, I think the much-trumpeted “5-minute face” is a beauty industry myth. It sounds great in all the magazines: just a little tinted moisturizer, highlighter/bronzer/blush, quickly define the eyes, a natural lip and voilà! But seriously, if you buy and use even *half* of all the products these magazines promote in their pages, how can you possibly get your makeup on in 5 minutes?

I love to take my time putting on my makeup, which I apply sitting at an antique, wooden vanity that belonged to my mother. When she gave me the vanity, I explored it like a time capsule from my childhood. I cleaned out the drawers and found a negative of a honeymoon photo of my parents, a few earrings from the 70s, and a false eyelash! I’m tall so the vanity is kind of small for me, but I love using it. I love how old-fashioned it is, the feel of the wood, even the squeak the drawers make when you swing them open. (The side drawers swing rather than pull open, which is pretty charming.)

There’s also something interesting I discovered about having a vanity. It’s affirming. A vanity bestows value on the process of making oneself beautiful. For years I “dolled up” standing in the bathroom, so being able to sit down and enjoy the experience of doing my makeup is a treat. Usually I do my makeup in 10 minutes–more if it’s a special occasion or I’m playing with a new look, mixing colors, doing my brows, etc. Although I’m openly obsessed with makeup, people tell me that I “don’t really wear that much.” (Untrue!) I guess they’re surprised that I look relatively “normal” when they discover the extent of my makeup obsession.

So, I want to hear from everyone out there who loves to “make up”–how long does it take you to put your makeup on? Do you have a beauty routine?